I finally got groped!

You know I've been waiting for my chance at a groping. But the majority of airports I fly from are small enough they just have metal detectors not the advanced body scanners, and hence no opportunity to opt out and get a TSA pat down instead. I did go through a body scanner once before, but that's because I was running late and really didn't have the extra time to spare. And I will admit the scanners are very fast - provided people understand that "Take everything out of your pockets" means EVERYTHING including a boarding pass or tissue. I'm not afraid of the scanners themselves nor embarrassed by the near-naked image someone will see. I just hate that we've accepted such a degradation of our privacy and 4th amendment rights for the sake of convenience and laughable idea of perceived security. So I decided a while back that I'd opt out of the scanners and make a point by getting the patdown. And I finally got my chance.

It was 5am in San Diego when I saw the scanners. I remembered my plan to opt out, and knew I had the time to spare. Then I was a bit worried about what might happen, and the thought even crossed my mind that it might hold up the entire security line as I only saw one female TSA agent, and maybe I should just do the scanner so I didn't inconvenience everyone else. No one else was refusing the scan. As soon as that thought was finished I knew I had to opt out, since it's exactly that kind of thinking that perpetuates these things. So as I approached the scanner I said I didn't want to do it. The TSA agent asked if I was opting out and I said yes. She had me step aside to wait for an agent to do the pat down. Ironically, she told me to stand where the 2 security lines converged, so it really disrupted the flow and I had to keep telling people to go ahead of me, which a shocking number of people initially refused to do. I smiled insouciantly at everyone, looking calm and carefree, purposely making eye contact with every TSA agent who glanced my way. After about 3-4 minutes a 50-something female TSA agent approached and asked me to follow her to the other side of the security area. She offered a private room but I said I was fine in the open. I really just wanted to see the thoroughness of the pat down, and to let everyone see it.

So I stood with my arms out and feet slightly wider than shoulder width apart. She started at my collar and went down my back, then arms and legs, very rapid and perfunct. The bra area was funny, as she used the back of her hand and ran it down each side, under the bottom, and straight down the middle. I asked why it was the back of the hand and she straightened up, palmed her own ponderous breast, and bobbled it making it shimmy like Jello as an explanation. "The back of the hand makes it less intrusive." I laughed, the image of her jiggling her breast in front of everyone still stuck in my head. Afterwards she checked her gloves for ions/residues that might've been picked up from my clothes and then let me on my way.

Final thoughts? The TSA patdown hit about 70% of my body. My neck and head above the collar weren't touched. The area between my breastbone and bra, which is actually a decent sized area, was bypassed. I don't remember the front of my pelvis or butt as part of the pat-down. I could probably have carried my cell phone in my bra without it being caught. Certainly something the size of a 35mm film canister. It took less than 5 minutes and was not unpleasant at all. I actually enjoyed chatting with the TSA agent. I like that it made everyone in line who saw it happen uncomfortable and nervous, wondering why I (the nice-looking white girl in a college T-shirt) was getting a patdown and worrying if they'd be selected randomly for one too.